Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pain. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world. – C.S. Lewis.
I’ve recently been through a season of pain and uncertainty. There have been two different sourced cancer concerns and a severe pain issue with my spine that had me on the surgery calendar with a neurosurgeon.
But now, body is showing the evidences of healing and I have been able to cancel my surgery. I am carried by a gratitude that is difficult to put into words.
Some have said I dodged a bullet. Some have asked what I did to piss God off in the first place, that he would allow such a season to come. Some have said that God healed me.
Here’s what I know happened – God touched my life through the pain and uncertainty. That is all I know for sure. (Ok – there are some things I’ve done that God could justifiably be ticked about – I know those for sure, too. I don’t know him to mete out justice this way, however…I’d have been struck by lightning years ago if that were the case).
I cannot describe where the healing has occurred. Was it when the doctor told me he could no longer locate the cyst that was the size of a golf ball or was it when my children held me as I wept and I told them I was afraid?
Was it when the surgeon discovered my strength was returning and back surgery would have to wait…or the week before when friends drove 100+ miles to take us to dinner, knowing that we had a lot on our mind going into surgery?
I am confident that God heals and delivers. I do not know why he does not do it every time we ask. I do not know why the rain falls on the righteous and the unrighteous, why bad things happen to good people.
But this thing I do know – the pain and uncertainty I have experienced were gifts marked by grace that revealed that I am deeply loved by people who matter greatly to me. Their love and concern were healing embodied.
Those of you who have experienced similar seasons know that the journey is lonely at times. I still have the quietness of my thoughts and the reality that my life on earth is brief. But there is a newness of perspective brought through this challenge.
I am not alone. I am loved. These are the deepest evidences of my healing. And these have me profoundly grateful to a God who would so carefully entrust me with this life that includes pain and uncertainty as well as the joy of knowing, if even at the slightest level, that there is something more powerful still.
Perhaps I will share more of the difficult details of this journey one day but, today, I am basking in amazing awareness of being loved by folks who know me and love me anyway.
Be well today, friends. Know that you are not alone, and that you are loved deeply.